Saturday, June 8, 2013

What I ate

Lunch was an abomination. The salad I list here isn't the actual "salad" I had, but it's the closest approximation I could find in the app. The restaurant itself (in Olathe, Kan.) didn't provide nutritional information. (Literally: The chimichanga my wife ordered had at least three times the lettuce my salad did.)

We're traveling. It's going to be difficult. Trying my best.

 

Daily Report for June 8, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast408
Egg, Scrambled, Large2 Each204
Peppers, Bell, Yellow, Sweet, Large, 3.7in⅛ Each6
Onion, White, Chopped⅛ Cup8
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med¼ Each6
Cheese, American, Yellow, Slice½ Slice40
Pineapple, Chunks½ Cup41
Melon, Cantaloupe, Cubes½ Cup27
Melon, Honeydew, Balls½ Cup32
Oranges, Sections½ Cup42
Coffee, Brewed6 Fluid ounces2
Lunch1,300
Salad, Quesadilla Explosion, Chili's Grill & Bar1 Each1,300
Dinner185
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded2 Cups16
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked½ Each71
Peppers, Bell, Yellow, Sweet, Large, 3.7in¼ Each13
Cucumber, Sliced6 Slices5
Dressing, Poppyseed, Creamy, Salad Dressing1 Tablespoon80
Snacks445
Granola Bar Trail Mix Dark Choc & Nut, Nature Valley1 Serving140
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Cookies, Fig, 100% Whl Grain, Nabisco Newtons4 Pieces200

Nutrients
Fat122g46%
Carbohydrates223g37%
Protein101g17%

Summary
Food Calories2,337
Exercise Calories-
Net Calories2,337
+/- Calories-273

Friday, June 7, 2013

What I ate today

Coupla thoughts:

• At my weight, I'm allowed 2,600 calories a day on my plan to lose a pound a week. I feel like I can do closer to 2,000, if I'm smart about how I'm eating. Today: Not as smart. But still under the budget.

And progress is being made: There's more fruit and vegetables in my diet than six weeks ago, far less bad stuff. No soda that entire time. I've greatly reduced my lattes. I'm eating a crapton of bananas. The habits aren't changing overnight, but they're changing.

• We'll be traveling the next four days. This is when it's hardest to eat the way you want, if you're trying to eat well and aren't practiced at it. I'm gonna try. But, you know: No guarantees.

• When I get back: Time to ramp up the exercise. Fer serious.

 

Daily Report for June 7, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast452
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms2 Each160
Coffee, Brewed8 Fluid ounces2
Veggie Egg And Cheese On Whole Grain Toast, Saxbys1 Serving290
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Lunch237
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded4 Cups32
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med½ Each11
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked½ Each71
Peas, Green⅔ Cup78
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own1 Tablespoon45
Dinner811
Beef, Skirt Steak, Trimmed6 Ounces374
Rice, Brown, Medium Grain, Cooked2 Cups437
Sauce, Siracha, Hot Chili, Dynasty3 Tablespoons0
No nutrient data for: Carbs
Snacks1,065
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long2 Each180
Espresso, 2oz, Starbucks2 Each20
Dark Chocolate & Nut, Nature Valley1 Serving140
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long1 Each90
Crackers, White Cheddar, Baked, Cheez-It⅔ Ounce98
Milk, Whole, 3.25%2 Cups298
Coconut Macaroons, Two Bites3 Each240
Exercise78
Walking20 min78

Nutrients
Fat75g29%
Carbohydrates280g49%
Protein123g21%

Summary
Food Calories2,566
Exercise Calories78
Net Calories2,488
+/- Calories-123
Weight-

Thursday, June 6, 2013

What I ate today

Really need to be more intentional about getting exercise.

 

Daily Report for June 6, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast366
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms2 Each160
Egg, Scrambled, Large2 Each204
Coffee, Brewed8 Fluid ounces2
Lunch495
Chicken Fajita, Lettuce, Pico, Whoke Wheat Tortilla, Qdoba1 Serving495
No nutrient data for: Carbs
Dinner499
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded5 Cups40
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med1 ½ Each33
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own3 Tablespoons135
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 ½ Each213
Peas, Green⅔ Cup78
Snacks1,050
Smoothie, Strawberry Banana16 Fluid ounces290
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long2 Each210
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms2 Each160
Greek Yogurt Honey, Fage1 Serving190
Cereal, Grape Nuts, Grape-Nuts½ Cup200
Exercise78
Walking20 min78

Nutrients
Fat68g26%
Carbohydrates246g43%
Protein179g31%

Summary
Food Calories2,410
Exercise Calories78
Net Calories2,332
+/- Calories-278
Weight-

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

What I ate today

In retrospect, I did something really smart with this, not entirely meaning to. I focused on how and what to eat for weeks before I shifted into thinking about calorie limits. That's made the calorie limits much easier to abide by.

I tried Lose It! once before, early this year, without that kind of preparation: Just downloaded the app and started calorie counting: But I didn't change what I was eating. Sodas, cookies, cheesesteaks at lunch were bumping me up against the calorie limit by early afternoon; I became angry and obsessed with the limit.

If you're eating one or two salads a day, like I am now, and have cut way back on the pastas, breads, sodas, and certain sweets—well, staying under the cap is easier. And that makes me less frantic about the existence of the cap. So trying (and kind of failing) Vegan Before 6 at least put me on the right road: Some plant food is better than others.

I'm bound to have setbacks. But my first taste of success has made me feel empowered. I can lose this weight. I am not merely a victim of my own bad choices; I can make a better life by making better choices going forward. And I can do it, especially, with your continued support. Thanks for the encouragement, folks.


 

Daily Report for June 4, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast579
Veggie Egg And Cheese On Whole Grain Toast, Saxbys1 Serving290
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Latte, Large, Iced, Saxbys1 Serving289
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Lunch530
Chicken, Grilled, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba2 Each380
Dressing, Fat-Free Plicate Ranch, Qdoba1 Each45
Lettuce, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each15
Salsa, Corn & Black Bean, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each80
Salsa, Pico De Gallo, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each10
Dinner277
Lettuce, Romaine, Hearts, Fresh3 Cups22
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med1 Each22
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own2 Tablespoons90
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 Each142
Snacks560
Cheese, String1 Serving80
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long1 Each90
2% Greek Yogurt, Fage1 Serving140
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long1 Each90
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms2 Each160
Exercise98
Walking15 min59
Walking10 min39

Nutrients
Fat48g22%
Carbohydrates269g53%
Protein125g25%

Summary
Food Calories1,945
Exercise Calories98
Net Calories1,847
+/- Calories-763
Weight-

Monday, June 3, 2013

What I ate today

Some good news: I weighed for the first time in nearly a month. 274 pounds. That's still a fat man. But it's five pounds lighter than my last weigh-in at the doctor on May 6. And it's a full seven pounds lighter than the 281 pounds I weighed on May 4, the day I committed myself to this.

Some bad news: I don't think I ate very well today, possibly because of the small sense of victory I had. You can see the log for yourself. As for me: If that "snacks" section in the log has multiple pieces of fruit in it, I'm going to guess I had a good day. If not, probably not.

Some good news: I'm still below my daily calorie limit. (And the limit has declined about 100 calories a day, thanks to the weight I've lost. The nice thing about this approach: It's gliding me in for the landing, rather than dropping me out the door. Sustainability, for me, is the key to this whole thing.)

And some better news: I had a couple of bad, cheating days during that first month. I realize now that if I can surround those single bad days with three, four, five good days at a stretch, I'm probably going to come out ahead—and not to despair and give up because of the one bad day.

I honestly wasn't sure if I possessed the capacity to do this. I'm pretty sure, even now, I can't do this by myself: The accountability and support I've been given by my friends, family, and readers has been a huge help. Thanks.


 

Daily Report for June 3, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast656
Egg, Scrambled, Large2 Each204
Coffee, Brewed8 Fluid ounces2
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms2 Each160
Veggie Egg And Cheese On Whole Grain Toast, Saxbys1 Serving290
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Lunch268
Spinach, Baby, Fresh2 Cups14
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med1 Each22
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 Each142
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own2 Tablespoons90
Dinner579
Rice, Brown, Medium Grain, Cooked2 Cups437
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 Each142
Sauce, Siracha, Hot Chili, Dynasty3 Tablespoons0
No nutrient data for: Carbs
Snacks745
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Bfast Sandwich, Sausage Egg & Cheese, Croissant, Dunkin Donuts1 Each640
Exercise214
Walking10 min39
Walking15 min59
Walking15 min59
Walking15 min58

Nutrients
Fat82g38%
Carbohydrates177g37%
Protein122g25%

Summary
Food Calories2,248
Exercise Calories214
Net Calories2,033
+/- Calories-577
Weight274

Sunday, June 2, 2013

What I ate today: June 2

 

Daily Report for June 2, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast607
Sandwich, Sausage, Egg & Cheese, on English Muffin, Starbucks1 Each500
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Coffee, Brewed8 Fluid ounces2
Lunch268
Spinach, Baby, Fresh2 Cups14
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med1 Each22
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 Each142
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own2 Tablespoons90
Dinner816
Pizza, Cheese,3 Slices816
Snacks400
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Greek Yogurt Honey, Fage1 Serving190
Exercise290
Walking15 min62
Walking10 min41
Walking15 min62
Walking30 min124

Nutrients
Fat74g31%
Carbohydrates262g49%
Protein101g19%

Summary
Food Calories2,091
Exercise Calories290
Net Calories1,801
+/- Calories-915

Couple of notes:

• I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. There will be a weigh-in, obviously, along with consultation about whether I've chosen the right approach to this thing. There may be some other related news.

• I've heard several people suggest that my daily calorie budget is too high. The program I'm working with—like Weight Watchers—starts your calorie budget based on your current weight and tries to glide you down: When I've lost 20 pounds (knock on wood) I won't have as high a budget. As it is, I'm coming in well below my limit--especially on days where I make salad my default meal. I took some steps today to ensure that'll be the case throughout the week.

• Some people will gasp to see three slices of pizza at dinner. What I can say: The pizza was prepared by a vegetarian friend who makes her own dough from whole wheat flower, and who barely uses sauce. Not wanting to bother her for a precise ingredients list, I've used the program's default calories for fast-good cheese pizza. I'm betting a true accounting would be fewer calories than what's listed.

• I forgot that one reason I moved to the city was to be a walker. So tonight, I walked from my house at 23rd to a friend's house on Sixth Street for dinner. It would've been about a half-hour, except I stopped twice to chat with people I met along the way. That, it seems to me, is probably also a part of health.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

What I ate


 

Daily Report for June 1, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast240
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms3 Each240
Lunch921
Pasta, Spiral, Cooked2 Cups423
Fish, Canned Tuna, In Water1 Ounce36
Pickle Relish, Sweet1 Tablespoon20
Salad Dressing, Real Mayonnaise1 Tablespoon97
Eggs, Deviled2 Each224
Cucumber, Sliced10 Slices8
Eggs, Deviled1 Each112
Dinner322
Spinach, Baby, Fresh2 Cups14
Squash, Zucchini, w/ Skin, Slices, Cooked1 Cup27
Peppers, Bell, Yellow, Sweet, Large, 3.7in¼ Each13
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 Each142
Sauce, Pesto¼ Ounce37
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own2 Tablespoons90
Snacks1,075
Iced Coffee, Small, With Milk, Dunkin Donuts1 Each30
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Peach, Medium1 Each58
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long1 Each105
Pizza, Cheese, 14", Fast Food1 Slice272
Popcorn, White, Oil Popped4 Cups220
Yuenling Lager16 Ounces180
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Exercise166
Walking20 min83
Walking20 min83

Nutrients
Fat91g34%
Carbohydrates273g45%
Protein127g21%

Summary
Food Calories2,558
Exercise Calories166
Net Calories2,392
+/- Calories-323
Weight-

Tip: You can copy and paste the above tables directly into Excel.
This report was generated with Lose It!


Sent from my iPad

What I ate: May 31


Daily Report for May 31, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast445
Egg, Scrambled, Large2 Each204
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms3 Each240
Coffee, Brewed5 Fluid ounces1
Lunch340
Dressing, Fat-Free Plicate Ranch, Qdoba1 Each45
Chicken, Grilled, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each190
Lettuce, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each15
Salsa, Corn & Black Bean, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each80
Salsa, Pico De Gallo, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba1 Each10
Dinner684
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded3 Cups24
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked1 Each142
Cheese, Parmesan, Grated1 Tablespoon22
Dressing, Caesar, Newman's Own3 Tablespoons225
Pizza, Cheese, 14", Fast Food1 Slice272
Snacks783
Strawberry banana Smoothie, Saxbys1 Serving250
No nutrient data for: Protein
Pear, Large1 Each133
Yuenling Lager16 Ounces180
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Popcorn, White, Oil Popped4 Cups220
Exercise186
Walking15 min62
Walking10 min41
Walking10 min41
Walking10 min41

Nutrients
Fat86g29%
Carbohydrates351g53%
Protein124g18%

Summary
Food Calories2,253
Exercise Calories186
Net Calories2,066


Believe it or not, this is well below the number of calories my app says I need to limit myself to to lose a pound a day. That's what happens when A) you fat and B) you have salad as two of your three main meals. (That's a chicken salad, actually, for both meals.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Here's what I ate today, May 26:

Here's what I ate today, May 26:

• Tofu scramble (peppers and onions), two pieces of Morningstar Farms veggie sausage, two cups of black coffee.
• Grilled chimichanga (black beans, jasmine rice, salsa and soy cheese in a vegan wrap).
• Large iced tea and a banana.
• Chicken, onion, garic, bell pepper, tomato, asparagus, mixed with pasta.

Here's what I physically did today:

• Walked two miles, to Broad Street and back.
• Played my way through a tournament of Real Boxing. My arms, at least, should get more toned.

Thoughts.?

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Here's what I ate today: May 25


  • Scrambled eggs and Swiss cheese on whole grain toast
  • Black coffee
  • Quinoa salad
  • Ribeye steak, roasted broccoli, mac n'cheese
  • Fresh strawberries and ice cream.
Given that I'm trying to go "Vegan Before 6"—which allows some latitude for dinner—this doesn't look like a bad day. I don't need to do ice cream every night, clearly. And I'd like to get to vegan at breakfast soon; something I can make that satisfies my salty craving. Oatmeal doesn't quite do that.

EXERCISE: I spent a chunk of my evening playing "Real Boxing" on my iPad. It captures your motions, like Wii or Kinect, though probably not quite as efficiently. I went 1-4 in my evening boxing career. But I worked up a hell of a sweat doing it. We'll see how my arms feel Sunday to see if this can become an everyday thing right away.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Here's what I ate today: May 24

Spicy pork kimchi rice bowl.
  • Veggie egg whites scramble on whole grain toast
  • Iced latte
  • Kati roll (peas and carrots with heavy Indian spices, wrapped in naan) 
  • Latte, brownie
  • Spicy pork kimchi rice bowl   
I'm imperfect, obviously. Wish I hadn't had the brownie. Trying to figure out how to have coffee that I enjoy tasting that isn't loaded down with milk. Still: The represents progress from a couple of weeks ago. It's more whole-grain and plant-based than I was eating a month ago, much less meat-oriented. Though I haven't been updating here, the truth is we're even eating salads in the evening a couple of nights a week now. And not to repeat this point too often: I haven't had a soda since my talk with the doctor.  I'm turning around, slowly but surely.

Things to work on:
  • Regular exercise.
  • Consistently documenting my food/exercise efforts.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Starting Over: Vegan Before 6

I want to thank everybody who has emailed me in recent days to share their own stories of weight loss, advice, or encouragement. I haven't had time to respond individually to everybody, but my plan is to do so.

One thing I've been spending this first week doing is trying to find a plan that makes sense to me, so that I can apply a bit of rigor to the process instead of "merely" documenting everything I eat and hoping that will magically deliver me. I'm going to start with Mark Bittman's new book, Vegan By 6. Bittman writes about food for the New York Times, has inspired me to get creative in the kitchen, and his approach seems flexible to me. I think I need flexible.

The title suggests the essential plan: Part-time veganism. Before 6, Bittman eats a "super-strict" vegan diet, also getting rid of processed foods and "white" starches in bread and pasta—no alcohol either—and after 6, he eats pretty much whatever he wants, usually but not always in moderation. The result? He lost weight and maintained that loss, dramatically improving his health in the process.

He describes the benefits of "part-time veganism" thusly:


Same here. Veganism isn't an "ethical" choice for me—I grew up among ranchers; I've worked around butcher shops—so this approach seems, well, welcoming. I want to take a positive attitude and approach into this effort. I can maintain that positivity by changing my habits while preserving my freedom of choice.

I worry that I'll offend some friends with this choice: Everybody has an opinion about how to lose weight. My promise to you: I'll try this for a month, maybe longer. But if it doesn't appear to be producing results within a short period of time, I'll stop and try another approach.

It'll be a few days before I officially declare myself a Vegan Before 6. I want to read more deeply into Bittman's book, and in particular get some handy ideas for how to eat at breakfast without, you know, using milk or eggs.

In the meantime, you may notice I've been attempting essentially a "Vegetarian Before 6" routine—not completely rigorously—in order to get a head start. Thus, my meals for today:

May 8

Snack: 2 apples

Breakfast: Veggies and egg whites on ciabatta
Large iced latte with 2 percent milk

Snack: Peanut butter and oats bar from Trader Joe's

Lunch: Salad with goat cheese, cherry tomatoes, onion, pecans, mushrooms, and vinagrette.

Dinner: Steak salad. (Includes peas, corn, cherry tomatoes, cheddar cheese, hard boiled egg, lettuce, and steak. Italian dressing.)

Snack: PB&J  on extremely whole-grain bread.

I've been consciously altering my eating habits. I don't feel deprived. I sure hope this works.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Starting Over: Still Starting

At the same time (and for the same reasons) I've embarked on a mission to lose weight, I've been getting started on medicine to bring my blood pressure down. With it remaining persistently but moderately high, the doctor this week ordered me to double up on the prescription. Today? I was wiped out by a combination of bad headaches, light fever, and unsettled stomach that I understand to be side effects. I took a two-hour nap after work, and woke only because my son was sent to rouse me.

I feel like I'm starting this journey with a series of mistakes and excuses.

But my body really is doing the thing it's doing today. So I'm going to celebrate one thing: Consistency of effort is not going to be easy to come by. But I haven't had a soda in a week. So. That's something. Just gotta string a few more somethings together.

May 7

Weigh-in: --
Exercise: --

Breakfast: Bacon, egg and cheese on croissant
Large iced coffee with skim milk
Banana

Snack: Strawberry protein smoothie

Lunch: Qdoba veggie grilled burrito (brown rice, wheat tortilla, black beans, grilled squash, pico sauce, cheese, lettuce, guac.)

Snack: Trail mix (peanuts, sunflower seeds, raisins, carob chips)

Dinner: Two bowls of "Tex Mex mix"—beef, beans, Rotel, and spice—over corn chips.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Starting Over: Day Three

If am to be successful, I need to figure out how to deal with stress, anger, rage, and general grumpiness without eating a large bag of potato chips.

I don't wanna talk about it.


May 6, 2013

Weigh-in (doc's office): 279 lbs

Exercise: 1.48 miles of around-town walking.

Breakfast: Veggie sausage, egg, cheese on toast
Iced coffee with skim milk

Um...Breakfast two:
Iced latte with 2 percent milk
Egg white and cheese sandwich on whole grain

Lunch: Small bowl leftover chicken brown/wildrice

Snack: Cup of trail mix.

Snack: Greek yogurt

Snack: Salt-n-vinegar chips (ooooooh no!)

Dinner: Three bowls of salad (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheddar, hard-boiled egg, Italian dressing)

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Starting Over: Day Two

A bit more than a decade ago, after 9/11, I lost a bunch of weight. It made me happy, I felt confident, and not coincidentally—from both a pants-size perspective and confidence perspective—I dated more during that period than at any other time in my single life. It was great. And all I did was two things:

• I spent an hour on the treadmill at least four days a week.
• I quit soda cold turkey.

That's it. I ate whatever I wanted, and sometimes still ate too much. And I wasn't what you'd call slim: I'm never going to be what you call slim, I don't think. But I slimmed-down. It was awesome. And except for that hour a day on the treadmill—set at its highest hill settings, making me sweat like crazy—relatively easy.

(Why did I quit? I got sick—sick with what now seems likely to have been a precursor to the diverticulitis that took me out in 2011. That at least consoles me on one level: If I got sick when I was fit, the illness was probably more genetic than God's retribution on me for living my sinfully excessive lifestyle. It took me more than a month to recover, and I never quite got back on the treadmill with the same vigor I previously had.) 

While I'm figuring out what my food consumption will look like—and thanks to all the many of you who have written me with your stories and advice—there are two things I know I can do: Give up the soda. And devote an hour of my day to moving.

The second might sound difficult: I think I have to let it not be. For example: My wife was in Maryland today on a previously scheduled trip, leaving me to take care of our son. That doesn't exactly scream "gym time," does it? But the great thing about living in Center City Philadelphia is that if you want to get moving, all you have to do is go somewhere and not take the bus.

So Tobias walked out to get lunch and coffee today. By the time we made it home, we'd covered nearly two miles. Was I sweating? No. Did I move? Yes. Something is better than nothing.

Tomorrow: Another doctor's appointment!

May 5

Weigh-in: None

Exercise: City walking with Tobias: 1.93 miles

Breakfast:
Spinach-mushroom quiche
Iced coffee, splash of half-and-half

Snack:
Cup of wasabi peas

Lunch: (Easily the worst-chosen meal of my twodays so far. Mediocre and flavorless)
Falafel wrap (includes rice, roasted red pepper, sauce)
Hummus with red peppers, olives, garlic/pita

Snack :
Iced coffee, splash of half and half

Dinner:
Two bowls of brown/wild rice, topped with tomato-basil marinated chicken

Addendum: A finger of Laphroaig scotch, two squares of dark chocolate. I'm not going to be an ascetic.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Starting Over: Day One

Clearly chunky. Lucky for me
the black T-shirt has slimming qualities.
Thanks to everybody who contacted me today, either through the comments here, my Facebook page, or via email, to encourage me and offer advice. I'm only a day into my weight-loss mission: One thing I haven't done yet is figured out how I'll do it. There are as many approaches as, well, people who have lost weight.

I'm averse to strict calorie-counting—though it may be the way I have to go ultimately. I know from previous attempts that calorie counting actually made me obsessed with food. It's not wrong to think about what you're eating or how much; the calorie-counting process, though, triggers something in me that to think about food constantly, when I'm eating, when I'm not eating, mostly wishing I was eating. It actually works against healthy weight loss for me, I think.

But: It may ultimately be that I have to calorie count in order to accomplish this.

I'll be exploring the merits of several plans in coming weeks. I want something that's more than just a crash diet, but a new lifestyle that I can somewhat comfortably maintain. In the meantime, I'll be documenting my exercise and eating, anyway, just as a way of beginning to be mindful.

So. Here goes.


Weight: 281 lbs

Exercise: 60 minutes on elliptical, 3.02 miles

Breakfast:
Bowl of Kashi GoLean cereal
Mixed in with cup of honey Greek yogurt
3 small cups of coffee, two of which had a splash of half and half.

Snack: 1biggish apple
Snack: Baby carrots and hummus

Lunch: Veggie Wrap from Almaz Cafe



Snack: Two cups of wasabi dried peas

Dinner: Two bowls of salad: Lettuce, chicken, tomatoe, broccoli, asparagus, some small chunks of cheddar, Italian dressing.

There may be an after-dinner snack later. If so, I'll put on an addendum. You can see where the emphasis is, though: Heavy on veggies. I had maybe a quarter-pound of chicken in the salad, but probably not even that much. What's more: I feel fine. Did I lose weight today? No idea. But thinking about what I'm doing is already changing what I'm putting in my body. Hopefully that counts for something.

Starting over

So the blog is about to take a left turn, for reasons that will become apparent. 


I keep thinking I've bottomed out. I keep finding not.

Let's get up to speed very quickly: Two years ago this week, I went into hospital with stopped-up bowels. Turned out I had diverticulitis, a nasty infection on top of that, and was about to die. They performed a colostomy on me.

Two months later, the doctors did a second surgery: A colon recission. That means they shortened up my colon. In practice, it meant cutting out old dead colon that had wrapped itself around my bladder. Oh, and: They punctured my bladder during the surgery.

The colostomy, for what it's worth, created a hernia. And the doctors tried to fix that hernia when they reversed my colostomy in November 2011. But the fix didn't take. Today, I'm overweight AND lumpy in a way that being merely overweight doesn't describe. A CT scan a few months ago shows I basically have no abdominal wall between my belly button and my sternum. Oh, and I weigh 280 pounds—this being a chicken-and-egg thing: Am I *this* fat because I can't exercise much ( get tired, and frankly sit-ups are out of the question) or do I not exercise much because I'm fat?

Doesn't matter. A surgeon told me yesterday he won't operate to fix me because, at this weight, there's an 85 percent chance the repair would fail. He wants to see me in three months. He wants me to lose 50 pounds. And if I can't do it the old fashioned way, then I need to look at "surgical" methods for dropping the weight. For my health.

So that's the story. I'm 40, fat, and herniated like a motherfucker. And I don't really have many good stories to tell about how I got this way. I've spent a lifetime making undisciplined, mediocre choices. Now I find I'm falling apart. "You can't continue to live at that weight," the doctor told me. He's right. So what the hell do I do?

I'm giving myself a month to see if I can start to lose that weight in a natural and meaningful way, before I call the weight-loss surgeon he named. I'm not entirely sure  how it's going to happen. I think it means an hour on the treadmill or eliptical, every day. I think it means no more cheeseburgers, wings, pizza, sausage breakfast sandwiches. I think it means weighing myself every goddamned day. I think it means tracking every thing I eat. I'm not sure I can be a strict calorie counter. I've done that before, and it drives me nuts.

But this is where I start. This is how I start. I'm a freelance writer. I largely shape the schedule I work. My son is in school so I don't have to drag him around during the day. I'm on the road very little. If anybody has the space in their life to reshape their eating and exercise habits, it's me. So, fuck it, it's time.

I'm a compulsive oversharer. Everybody who knows me knows this. I'm aware of this. But it's not easy for me to share this stuff, because it reveals me to be weak in a lot of ways I don't want to be seen as weak in public. This is humiliating. But I suspect I'm going to need support and ideas from people.

I want to be a vigorous and vital partner to my wife for decades to come. I want to be an active and energetic dad for my son for as long as I can. I want to live, and live with a good quality of life, instead of quickly crumbling to an early grave. This is where it starts. I'm out of delays, out of excuses, out of time.

Starting today—later today—I'll post what I'm eating and how I'm exercising at the end of each day. I don't expect a huge audience for this. But I am interested in hearing from folks. I guess I'm crowdsourcing my survival.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sour Grapes: A Reply To Christopher Caldwell

The conservative writer Christopher Caldwell appears in this month's Claremont Review of Books, reviewing Closet to the Altar, a history of same-sex marriage by Michael J. Klarman. I'm going to leave most of Caldwell's arguments alone—Klarman can defend his own work—but I do want to contest Caldwell's seeming assertion toward the end of his piece that what makes the gay marriage movement particularly odious is its use of nasty strong-arm tactics:
The most troubling aspect of the gay-marriage movement is that, more than any social movement in living memory, more than feminism at its bra-burning peak in the 1970s, it aims not to engage in lively debate but to shut it down. Scurrility has become a norm. In April 2009, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, told a Miss America judge she thought marriage should be between a man and a woman and got called a "dumb bitch" for it on the judge's website. If it is now easier to call people dumb bitches, then it makes no sense at all to extol the gay marriage movement as a moral advance.
Let me condemn in the strongest possible fashion the use of the term "dumb bitch" as a response to Carrie Prejean. It seems to me that fighters of sexism and fighters of homophobia should be natural allies, and to deploy hateful sexist terminology on behalf of gay rights isn't just odious, it also seems to surely be missing the point.

Nonetheless, it surely seems that Caldwell's trying to make the case that "dumb bitch" entered political terminology as a means of shutting down Prejean's anti-gay-marriage views. This, of course, is poppycock. As I've written elsewhere—and as basically any woman who writes for public consumption knows—the term is used to silence women all the the time, particularly—I would guess—women coming from a lefty or feminist point of view. Caldwell's shock at the term in this context is either naive or, I suspect, disingenuous. He's right to point out that it's an ugly bit of business; but's far from a unique weapon of gay marriage forces, nor particularly common to them.

Nonetheless, Caldwell continues down this track:
Shutting down debate can be more effectively done now that the internet has solved the organizing problem of mobs. Anyone who expresses the slightest misgivings about gay marriage can become the object of boycotts, blacklists, and attempts to get him fired. Restaurant chain Chick fil-A was boycotted when its chief operating officer speculated that gay marriage might be "inviting God's wrath." A theater director in Sacramento resigned his post after having been shown to be a donor to Proposition 8. The law firm King & Spalding refused to allow Paul Clement permission to defend the federal Defense of Marriage Act on behalf of the House of Representatives. Defending O.J. Simpson will not get you booted from your firm, but defending a federal law will. Most companies are probably brave enough to defend their employees' freedom of opinion, but cowardice of King & Spalding's sort risks becoming the norm.
What I recall about the Chick fil-A boycott is that it turned out to be a tremendous success for the company after social conservatives rallied to its success. I recall, as well, that about the same time an anti-marriage-equality group calling itself One Million Moms (probably, ahem, a misnomer) vowed to boycott JC Penney after the retailer ran ads featuring Famous Lesbian(™) Ellen DeGeneres in holiday ads. If boycotts are an attempt to silence debate, rather than a form of it, then one would expect Caldwell to be shocked by the JC Penney action—or, at least, acknowledge that that Chick fil-A boycott comes in a context of back-and-forth boycotts over the subject of gay rights that have been going on for years.

The Southern Baptist Convention voted to boycott Disney in 1997 because of that company's perceived gay-friendly direction. It lasted eight years. The National Organization for Marriage is behind the Dump Starbucks campaign for similar reasons. Conservative Christian groups do this stuff all the time. The evangelicals I grew up with sometimes had trouble keeping track of all the companies (and sub-companies, and sub-sub companies) they were supposed to boycott: Were these paper towels the right ones to buy, or not? If boycotting is a pernicious form of trying to silence debate, Caldwell might want to pluck the log from his side's eye before pointing out the speck in his neighbor's eye. And, too, he might want to tell Martin Luther King Jr. about the moral illegitimacy of boycotts as a political measure.

Blacklisting is rather more problematic, admittedly. Does that term apply to Scott Eckern, the theater director to whom Caldwell refers? Possibly. But that seems tricky to me. Adults understand they have the right to make political statements—but they also recognize that that doing so might affect their ability to do their jobs. But again: Social conservatives feel free to deprive jobs to those who don't share their values on this topic.  If everybody should keep their job despite their political views, then everybody should get to keep their job despite their political views.

As for Mr. Clement, well: He wasn't booted from his firm, as Caldwell has it—he quit, after the firm decided it didn't want the job of defending the Defense of Marriage Act. It's an important distinction, a factual error that clearly undermines the case that Caldwell is trying to make.

Caldwell concludes:

In a decade, gay marriage has gone from joke to dogma. It is certainly worth asking why, if this is a liberation movement, it should be happening now, in an age not otherwise gaining a reputation as freedom's heyday. Since 2009, if Klarman's estimates are correct, support for gay marriage has been increasing by 4 points a year. Public opinion does not change this fast in free societies. Either opinion is not changing as fast as it appears to be, or society is not as free.
This is a baseless assertion, but I think it gets at the deeper conservative frustration on this issue: They're losing not just politically and legally; they're losing culturally. And when you lose the culture, that's when the debate really is over, at least for awhile. Conservatives never lost the culture entirely on abortion, which is why we're still debating the issue 40 years later. Will we still be debating gay marriage 20 years from now? Forget my answer: I'd like to know what Caldwell thinks.

Besides, Caldwell's wrong about public opinion: Big cultural shifts often happen little-by-little, then a lot all at once: It's fascinating to look at Gallup's list of long-term poll trends, measuring attitudes for most of the 20th century in America.

On the question of "would you be willing to support a woman for president," for example, barely half the country—53 percent—said yes in 1969. Two years later, than number was at 66 percent: A movement of 6.5 points per year, on average. It's about what you might expect with the women's liberation movement getting underway at the time. Similarly, in 1962, only 48 percent of Americans said they would support a black president—a number that rose 18 points, to 66 percent, by 1968: Around 3 percent a year. That's not quite as dramatic, but it's still plenty dramatic, and certainly indicative of a massive shift in racial attitudes underway during the era. Does Caldwell want to suggest that American society wasn't "free" then? Perhaps, but I don't think the case he'd make would be recognizable to most Americans.

Anti-gay-marriage conservatives have failed to convince an increasing majority of Americans of their views.  Of late, they have resorted to a final argument: That allowing gay marriage will lead to the victimization of those who believe in traditional marriage. It's an argument that does the neat trick of sidestepping the worthiness of gay marriage itself in favor of creating a needless zero-sum contest of rights. But the loss of privilege—the privilege, in this case, to disdain your gay neighbors' relationship without social consequence—is not the same thing as a loss of rights. If Caldwell believes he can win the gay marriage debate by painting a falsely negative portrait of the gay marriage movement, he should understand the lies will only comfort true believers on his side: For everybody else, facts and a sober examination of history will show his errors.

(Edited for clarity, spelling, boo-boos.)