What I ate

So you may have noticed some silence here the last few days. I was traveling, to Kansas to see my parents, and, well, the best-laid eating plans of me went straight to hell. I also fell off the no-soda wagon.

So be it. That's done now.

I recommitted today. Obviously, I forgot a few things during my time away from paying attention. Things like: Beef adds up really quickly. And: Deep-fried anything is bad for you. Lessons re-learned.

There are going to be setbacks. It's the nature of the beast. It's the nature of me. The key is to not stay set back. Period. I'm grabbing this motherfucker by the horns and getting it straight. I'm not going to let myself fucking lose this battle.

Daily Report for June 12, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		445
Egg, Scrambled, Large	3 Each	306
Cheese, Swiss, Shredded	⅓ Cup	137
Coffee, Brewed	8 Fluid ounces	2
Lunch		299
Lettuce, Green Leaf, Shredded	6 Cups	32
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	1 Each	22
Onion, Green, Chopped	1 Cup	19
Dressing, Caesar, Newman's Own	3 Tablespoons	225
Dinner		1,241
Beer	5 Fluid ounces	64
Ground Beef, 85% Lean	8 Ounces	567
French Fries, Frozen, Cooked w/ Salt	45 Each	302
Bacon, Cooked	2 Pieces	87
Cheese, Cheddar, Slice	1 Each	113
Buns, Hamburger, Stroehmann	1 Each	110
Snacks		399
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Blueberry Greek Yogurt, Fage	1 Serving	140
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Apple, Medium	1 Each	95
Iced Coffee, Small, Dunkin Donuts	2 Each	20
Cream, Half & Half	2 Tablespoons	39

Nutrients
Fat	126g	49%
Carbohydrates	169g	29%
Protein	122g	21%

Summary
Food Calories	2,383
Exercise Calories	-
Net Calories	2,383
+/- Calories	-227
Weight	-

What I ate

Lunch was an abomination. The salad I list here isn't the actual "salad" I had, but it's the closest approximation I could find in the app. The restaurant itself (in Olathe, Kan.) didn't provide nutritional information. (Literally: The chimichanga my wife ordered had at least three times the lettuce my salad did.)

We're traveling. It's going to be difficult. Trying my best.

Daily Report for June 8, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		408
Egg, Scrambled, Large	2 Each	204
Peppers, Bell, Yellow, Sweet, Large, 3.7in	⅛ Each	6
Onion, White, Chopped	⅛ Cup	8
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	¼ Each	6
Cheese, American, Yellow, Slice	½ Slice	40
Pineapple, Chunks	½ Cup	41
Melon, Cantaloupe, Cubes	½ Cup	27
Melon, Honeydew, Balls	½ Cup	32
Oranges, Sections	½ Cup	42
Coffee, Brewed	6 Fluid ounces	2
Lunch		1,300
Salad, Quesadilla Explosion, Chili's Grill & Bar	1 Each	1,300
Dinner		185
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded	2 Cups	16
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	½ Each	71
Peppers, Bell, Yellow, Sweet, Large, 3.7in	¼ Each	13
Cucumber, Sliced	6 Slices	5
Dressing, Poppyseed, Creamy, Salad Dressing	1 Tablespoon	80
Snacks		445
Granola Bar Trail Mix Dark Choc & Nut, Nature Valley	1 Serving	140
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Cookies, Fig, 100% Whl Grain, Nabisco Newtons	4 Pieces	200

Nutrients
Fat	122g	46%
Carbohydrates	223g	37%
Protein	101g	17%

Summary
Food Calories	2,337
Exercise Calories	-
Net Calories	2,337
+/- Calories	-273

What I ate today

Coupla thoughts:

• At my weight, I'm allowed 2,600 calories a day on my plan to lose a pound a week. I feel like I can do closer to 2,000, if I'm smart about how I'm eating. Today: Not as smart. But still under the budget.

And progress is being made: There's more fruit and vegetables in my diet than six weeks ago, far less bad stuff. No soda that entire time. I've greatly reduced my lattes. I'm eating a crapton of bananas. The habits aren't changing overnight, but they're changing.

• We'll be traveling the next four days. This is when it's hardest to eat the way you want, if you're trying to eat well and aren't practiced at it. I'm gonna try. But, you know: No guarantees.

• When I get back: Time to ramp up the exercise. Fer serious.

Daily Report for June 7, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		452
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	2 Each	160
Coffee, Brewed	8 Fluid ounces	2
Veggie Egg And Cheese On Whole Grain Toast, Saxbys	1 Serving	290
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Lunch		237
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded	4 Cups	32
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	½ Each	11
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	½ Each	71
Peas, Green	⅔ Cup	78
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own	1 Tablespoon	45
Dinner		811
Beef, Skirt Steak, Trimmed	6 Ounces	374
Rice, Brown, Medium Grain, Cooked	2 Cups	437
Sauce, Siracha, Hot Chili, Dynasty	3 Tablespoons	0
No nutrient data for: Carbs
Snacks		1,065
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long	2 Each	180
Espresso, 2oz, Starbucks	2 Each	20
Dark Chocolate & Nut, Nature Valley	1 Serving	140
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long	1 Each	90
Crackers, White Cheddar, Baked, Cheez-It	⅔ Ounce	98
Milk, Whole, 3.25%	2 Cups	298
Coconut Macaroons, Two Bites	3 Each	240
Exercise		78
Walking	20 min	78

Nutrients
Fat	75g	29%
Carbohydrates	280g	49%
Protein	123g	21%

Summary
Food Calories	2,566
Exercise Calories	78
Net Calories	2,488
+/- Calories	-123
Weight	-

What I ate today

Really need to be more intentional about getting exercise.

Daily Report for June 6, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		366
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	2 Each	160
Egg, Scrambled, Large	2 Each	204
Coffee, Brewed	8 Fluid ounces	2
Lunch		495
Chicken Fajita, Lettuce, Pico, Whoke Wheat Tortilla, Qdoba	1 Serving	495
No nutrient data for: Carbs
Dinner		499
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded	5 Cups	40
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	1 ½ Each	33
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own	3 Tablespoons	135
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 ½ Each	213
Peas, Green	⅔ Cup	78
Snacks		1,050
Smoothie, Strawberry Banana	16 Fluid ounces	290
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	2 Each	210
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	2 Each	160
Greek Yogurt Honey, Fage	1 Serving	190
Cereal, Grape Nuts, Grape-Nuts	½ Cup	200
Exercise		78
Walking	20 min	78

Nutrients
Fat	68g	26%
Carbohydrates	246g	43%
Protein	179g	31%

Summary
Food Calories	2,410
Exercise Calories	78
Net Calories	2,332
+/- Calories	-278
Weight	-

What I ate today

In retrospect, I did something really smart with this, not entirely meaning to. I focused on how and what to eat for weeks before I shifted into thinking about calorie limits. That's made the calorie limits much easier to abide by.

I tried Lose It! once before, early this year, without that kind of preparation: Just downloaded the app and started calorie counting: But I didn't change what I was eating. Sodas, cookies, cheesesteaks at lunch were bumping me up against the calorie limit by early afternoon; I became angry and obsessed with the limit.

If you're eating one or two salads a day, like I am now, and have cut way back on the pastas, breads, sodas, and certain sweets—well, staying under the cap is easier. And that makes me less frantic about the existence of the cap. So trying (and kind of failing) Vegan Before 6 at least put me on the right road: Some plant food is better than others.

I'm bound to have setbacks. But my first taste of success has made me feel empowered. I can lose this weight. I am not merely a victim of my own bad choices; I can make a better life by making better choices going forward. And I can do it, especially, with your continued support. Thanks for the encouragement, folks.

Daily Report for June 4, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		579
Veggie Egg And Cheese On Whole Grain Toast, Saxbys	1 Serving	290
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Latte, Large, Iced, Saxbys	1 Serving	289
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Lunch		530
Chicken, Grilled, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	2 Each	380
Dressing, Fat-Free Plicate Ranch, Qdoba	1 Each	45
Lettuce, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	15
Salsa, Corn & Black Bean, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	80
Salsa, Pico De Gallo, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	10
Dinner		277
Lettuce, Romaine, Hearts, Fresh	3 Cups	22
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	1 Each	22
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own	2 Tablespoons	90
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 Each	142
Snacks		560
Cheese, String	1 Serving	80
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long	1 Each	90
2% Greek Yogurt, Fage	1 Serving	140
Banana, Small, 6" to 6 7/8" Long	1 Each	90
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	2 Each	160
Exercise		98
Walking	15 min	59
Walking	10 min	39

Nutrients
Fat	48g	22%
Carbohydrates	269g	53%
Protein	125g	25%

Summary
Food Calories	1,945
Exercise Calories	98
Net Calories	1,847
+/- Calories	-763
Weight	-

What I ate today

Some good news: I weighed for the first time in nearly a month. 274 pounds. That's still a fat man. But it's five pounds lighter than my last weigh-in at the doctor on May 6. And it's a full seven pounds lighter than the 281 pounds I weighed on May 4, the day I committed myself to this.

Some bad news: I don't think I ate very well today, possibly because of the small sense of victory I had. You can see the log for yourself. As for me: If that "snacks" section in the log has multiple pieces of fruit in it, I'm going to guess I had a good day. If not, probably not.

Some good news: I'm still below my daily calorie limit. (And the limit has declined about 100 calories a day, thanks to the weight I've lost. The nice thing about this approach: It's gliding me in for the landing, rather than dropping me out the door. Sustainability, for me, is the key to this whole thing.)

And some better news: I had a couple of bad, cheating days during that first month. I realize now that if I can surround those single bad days with three, four, five good days at a stretch, I'm probably going to come out ahead—and not to despair and give up because of the one bad day.

I honestly wasn't sure if I possessed the capacity to do this. I'm pretty sure, even now, I can't do this by myself: The accountability and support I've been given by my friends, family, and readers has been a huge help. Thanks.

Daily Report for June 3, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		656
Egg, Scrambled, Large	2 Each	204
Coffee, Brewed	8 Fluid ounces	2
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	2 Each	160
Veggie Egg And Cheese On Whole Grain Toast, Saxbys	1 Serving	290
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Lunch		268
Spinach, Baby, Fresh	2 Cups	14
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	1 Each	22
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 Each	142
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own	2 Tablespoons	90
Dinner		579
Rice, Brown, Medium Grain, Cooked	2 Cups	437
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 Each	142
Sauce, Siracha, Hot Chili, Dynasty	3 Tablespoons	0
No nutrient data for: Carbs
Snacks		745
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Bfast Sandwich, Sausage Egg & Cheese, Croissant, Dunkin Donuts	1 Each	640
Exercise		214
Walking	10 min	39
Walking	15 min	59
Walking	15 min	59
Walking	15 min	58

Nutrients
Fat	82g	38%
Carbohydrates	177g	37%
Protein	122g	25%

Summary
Food Calories	2,248
Exercise Calories	214
Net Calories	2,033
+/- Calories	-577
Weight	274

What I ate today: June 2

Daily Report for June 2, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		607
Sandwich, Sausage, Egg & Cheese, on English Muffin, Starbucks	1 Each	500
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Coffee, Brewed	8 Fluid ounces	2
Lunch		268
Spinach, Baby, Fresh	2 Cups	14
Tomatoes, Fresh, Med	1 Each	22
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 Each	142
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own	2 Tablespoons	90
Dinner		816
Pizza, Cheese,	3 Slices	816
Snacks		400
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Greek Yogurt Honey, Fage	1 Serving	190
Exercise		290
Walking	15 min	62
Walking	10 min	41
Walking	15 min	62
Walking	30 min	124

Nutrients
Fat	74g	31%
Carbohydrates	262g	49%
Protein	101g	19%

Summary
Food Calories	2,091
Exercise Calories	290
Net Calories	1,801
+/- Calories	-915

Couple of notes:

• I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. There will be a weigh-in, obviously, along with consultation about whether I've chosen the right approach to this thing. There may be some other related news.

• I've heard several people suggest that my daily calorie budget is too high. The program I'm working with—like Weight Watchers—starts your calorie budget based on your current weight and tries to glide you down: When I've lost 20 pounds (knock on wood) I won't have as high a budget. As it is, I'm coming in well below my limit--especially on days where I make salad my default meal. I took some steps today to ensure that'll be the case throughout the week.

• Some people will gasp to see three slices of pizza at dinner. What I can say: The pizza was prepared by a vegetarian friend who makes her own dough from whole wheat flower, and who barely uses sauce. Not wanting to bother her for a precise ingredients list, I've used the program's default calories for fast-good cheese pizza. I'm betting a true accounting would be fewer calories than what's listed.

• I forgot that one reason I moved to the city was to be a walker. So tonight, I walked from my house at 23rd to a friend's house on Sixth Street for dinner. It would've been about a half-hour, except I stopped twice to chat with people I met along the way. That, it seems to me, is probably also a part of health.

What I ate

Daily Report for June 1, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		240
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	3 Each	240
Lunch		921
Pasta, Spiral, Cooked	2 Cups	423
Fish, Canned Tuna, In Water	1 Ounce	36
Pickle Relish, Sweet	1 Tablespoon	20
Salad Dressing, Real Mayonnaise	1 Tablespoon	97
Eggs, Deviled	2 Each	224
Cucumber, Sliced	10 Slices	8
Eggs, Deviled	1 Each	112
Dinner		322
Spinach, Baby, Fresh	2 Cups	14
Squash, Zucchini, w/ Skin, Slices, Cooked	1 Cup	27
Peppers, Bell, Yellow, Sweet, Large, 3.7in	¼ Each	13
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 Each	142
Sauce, Pesto	¼ Ounce	37
Dressing, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Newman's Own	2 Tablespoons	90
Snacks		1,075
Iced Coffee, Small, With Milk, Dunkin Donuts	1 Each	30
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Peach, Medium	1 Each	58
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Banana, Medium, 7" - 7 7/8" Long	1 Each	105
Pizza, Cheese, 14", Fast Food	1 Slice	272
Popcorn, White, Oil Popped	4 Cups	220
Yuenling Lager	16 Ounces	180
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Exercise		166
Walking	20 min	83
Walking	20 min	83

Nutrients
Fat	91g	34%
Carbohydrates	273g	45%
Protein	127g	21%

Summary
Food Calories	2,558
Exercise Calories	166
Net Calories	2,392
+/- Calories	-323
Weight	-

Tip: You can copy and paste the above tables directly into Excel.

This report was generated with Lose It!

Sent from my iPad

What I ate: May 31

Daily Report for May 31, 2013

Daily Log
Breakfast		445
Egg, Scrambled, Large	2 Each	204
Sausage, Patty, Original, Vgtrn, Morningstar Farms	3 Each	240
Coffee, Brewed	5 Fluid ounces	1
Lunch		340
Dressing, Fat-Free Plicate Ranch, Qdoba	1 Each	45
Chicken, Grilled, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	190
Lettuce, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	15
Salsa, Corn & Black Bean, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	80
Salsa, Pico De Gallo, Taco Salad Add On, Qdoba	1 Each	10
Dinner		684
Lettuce, Romaine, Shredded	3 Cups	24
Chicken Breast, Skinless, Cooked	1 Each	142
Cheese, Parmesan, Grated	1 Tablespoon	22
Dressing, Caesar, Newman's Own	3 Tablespoons	225
Pizza, Cheese, 14", Fast Food	1 Slice	272
Snacks		783
Strawberry banana Smoothie, Saxbys	1 Serving	250
No nutrient data for: Protein
Pear, Large	1 Each	133
Yuenling Lager	16 Ounces	180
No nutrient data for: Fat, Carbs, Protein
Popcorn, White, Oil Popped	4 Cups	220
Exercise		186
Walking	15 min	62
Walking	10 min	41
Walking	10 min	41
Walking	10 min	41

Nutrients
Fat	86g	29%
Carbohydrates	351g	53%
Protein	124g	18%

Summary
Food Calories	2,253
Exercise Calories	186
Net Calories	2,066

Believe it or not, this is well below the number of calories my app says I need to limit myself to to lose a pound a day. That's what happens when A) you fat and B) you have salad as two of your three main meals. (That's a chicken salad, actually, for both meals.

Here's what I ate today, May 26:

Here's what I ate today, May 26:

• Tofu scramble (peppers and onions), two pieces of Morningstar Farms veggie sausage, two cups of black coffee.
• Grilled chimichanga (black beans, jasmine rice, salsa and soy cheese in a vegan wrap).
• Large iced tea and a banana.
• Chicken, onion, garic, bell pepper, tomato, asparagus, mixed with pasta.

Here's what I physically did today:

• Walked two miles, to Broad Street and back.
• Played my way through a tournament of Real Boxing. My arms, at least, should get more toned.

Thoughts.?

Here's what I ate today: May 25

• Scrambled eggs and Swiss cheese on whole grain toast
• Black coffee
• Quinoa salad
• Ribeye steak, roasted broccoli, mac n'cheese
• Fresh strawberries and ice cream.

Given that I'm trying to go "Vegan Before 6"—which allows some latitude for dinner—this doesn't look like a bad day. I don't need to do ice cream every night, clearly. And I'd like to get to vegan at breakfast soon; something I can make that satisfies my salty craving. Oatmeal doesn't quite do that.

EXERCISE: I spent a chunk of my evening playing "Real Boxing" on my iPad. It captures your motions, like Wii or Kinect, though probably not quite as efficiently. I went 1-4 in my evening boxing career. But I worked up a hell of a sweat doing it. We'll see how my arms feel Sunday to see if this can become an everyday thing right away.

Here's what I ate today: May 24

• Veggie egg whites scramble on whole grain toast
• Iced latte
• Kati roll (peas and carrots with heavy Indian spices, wrapped in naan) 
• Latte, brownie
• Spicy pork kimchi rice bowl   

I'm imperfect, obviously. Wish I hadn't had the brownie. Trying to figure out how to have coffee that I enjoy tasting that isn't loaded down with milk. Still: The represents progress from a couple of weeks ago. It's more whole-grain and plant-based than I was eating a month ago, much less meat-oriented. Though I haven't been updating here, the truth is we're even eating salads in the evening a couple of nights a week now. And not to repeat this point too often: I haven't had a soda since my talk with the doctor.  I'm turning around, slowly but surely.

Things to work on:

• Regular exercise.
• Consistently documenting my food/exercise efforts.

Starting Over: Vegan Before 6

I want to thank everybody who has emailed me in recent days to share their own stories of weight loss, advice, or encouragement. I haven't had time to respond individually to everybody, but my plan is to do so.

One thing I've been spending this first week doing is trying to find a plan that makes sense to me, so that I can apply a bit of rigor to the process instead of "merely" documenting everything I eat and hoping that will magically deliver me. I'm going to start with Mark Bittman's new book, Vegan By 6. Bittman writes about food for the New York Times, has inspired me to get creative in the kitchen, and his approach seems flexible to me. I think I need flexible.

The title suggests the essential plan: Part-time veganism. Before 6, Bittman eats a "super-strict" vegan diet, also getting rid of processed foods and "white" starches in bread and pasta—no alcohol either—and after 6, he eats pretty much whatever he wants, usually but not always in moderation. The result? He lost weight and maintained that loss, dramatically improving his health in the process.

He describes the benefits of "part-time veganism" thusly:

Same here. Veganism isn't an "ethical" choice for me—I grew up among ranchers; I've worked around butcher shops—so this approach seems, well, welcoming. I want to take a positive attitude and approach into this effort. I can maintain that positivity by changing my habits while preserving my freedom of choice.

I worry that I'll offend some friends with this choice: Everybody has an opinion about how to lose weight. My promise to you: I'll try this for a month, maybe longer. But if it doesn't appear to be producing results within a short period of time, I'll stop and try another approach.

It'll be a few days before I officially declare myself a Vegan Before 6. I want to read more deeply into Bittman's book, and in particular get some handy ideas for how to eat at breakfast without, you know, using milk or eggs.

In the meantime, you may notice I've been attempting essentially a "Vegetarian Before 6" routine—not completely rigorously—in order to get a head start. Thus, my meals for today:

May 8

Snack: 2 apples

Breakfast: Veggies and egg whites on ciabatta
Large iced latte with 2 percent milk

Snack: Peanut butter and oats bar from Trader Joe's

Lunch: Salad with goat cheese, cherry tomatoes, onion, pecans, mushrooms, and vinagrette.

Dinner: Steak salad. (Includes peas, corn, cherry tomatoes, cheddar cheese, hard boiled egg, lettuce, and steak. Italian dressing.)

Snack: PB&J  on extremely whole-grain bread.

I've been consciously altering my eating habits. I don't feel deprived. I sure hope this works.

Starting Over: Still Starting

At the same time (and for the same reasons) I've embarked on a mission to lose weight, I've been getting started on medicine to bring my blood pressure down. With it remaining persistently but moderately high, the doctor this week ordered me to double up on the prescription. Today? I was wiped out by a combination of bad headaches, light fever, and unsettled stomach that I understand to be side effects. I took a two-hour nap after work, and woke only because my son was sent to rouse me.

I feel like I'm starting this journey with a series of mistakes and excuses.

But my body really is doing the thing it's doing today. So I'm going to celebrate one thing: Consistency of effort is not going to be easy to come by. But I haven't had a soda in a week. So. That's something. Just gotta string a few more somethings together.

May 7

Weigh-in: --

Exercise: --

Breakfast: Bacon, egg and cheese on croissant

Large iced coffee with skim milk

Banana

Snack: Strawberry protein smoothie

Lunch: Qdoba veggie grilled burrito (brown rice, wheat tortilla, black beans, grilled squash, pico sauce, cheese, lettuce, guac.)

Snack: Trail mix (peanuts, sunflower seeds, raisins, carob chips)

Dinner: Two bowls of "Tex Mex mix"—beef, beans, Rotel, and spice—over corn chips.

Starting Over: Day Three

If am to be successful, I need to figure out how to deal with stress, anger, rage, and general grumpiness without eating a large bag of potato chips.

I don't wanna talk about it.


May 6, 2013

Weigh-in (doc's office): 279 lbs

Exercise: 1.48 miles of around-town walking.

Breakfast: Veggie sausage, egg, cheese on toast
Iced coffee with skim milk

Um...Breakfast two:
Iced latte with 2 percent milk
Egg white and cheese sandwich on whole grain

Lunch: Small bowl leftover chicken brown/wildrice

Snack: Cup of trail mix.

Snack: Greek yogurt

Snack: Salt-n-vinegar chips (ooooooh no!)

Dinner: Three bowls of salad (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheddar, hard-boiled egg, Italian dressing)

Starting Over: Day Two

A bit more than a decade ago, after 9/11, I lost a bunch of weight. It made me happy, I felt confident, and not coincidentally—from both a pants-size perspective and confidence perspective—I dated more during that period than at any other time in my single life. It was great. And all I did was two things:

• I spent an hour on the treadmill at least four days a week.

• I quit soda cold turkey.

That's it. I ate whatever I wanted, and sometimes still ate too much. And I wasn't what you'd call slim: I'm never going to be what you call slim, I don't think. But I slimmed-down. It was awesome. And except for that hour a day on the treadmill—set at its highest hill settings, making me sweat like crazy—relatively easy.

(Why did I quit? I got sick—sick with what now seems likely to have been a precursor to the diverticulitis that took me out in 2011. That at least consoles me on one level: If I got sick when I was fit, the illness was probably more genetic than God's retribution on me for living my sinfully excessive lifestyle. It took me more than a month to recover, and I never quite got back on the treadmill with the same vigor I previously had.) 

While I'm figuring out what my food consumption will look like—and thanks to all the many of you who have written me with your stories and advice—there are two things I know I can do: Give up the soda. And devote an hour of my day to moving.

The second might sound difficult: I think I have to let it not be. For example: My wife was in Maryland today on a previously scheduled trip, leaving me to take care of our son. That doesn't exactly scream "gym time," does it? But the great thing about living in Center City Philadelphia is that if you want to get moving, all you have to do is go somewhere and not take the bus.

So Tobias walked out to get lunch and coffee today. By the time we made it home, we'd covered nearly two miles. Was I sweating? No. Did I move? Yes. Something is better than nothing.

Tomorrow: Another doctor's appointment!

May 5

Weigh-in: None

Exercise: City walking with Tobias: 1.93 miles

Breakfast:

Spinach-mushroom quiche

Iced coffee, splash of half-and-half

Snack:

Cup of wasabi peas

Lunch: (Easily the worst-chosen meal of my twodays so far. Mediocre and flavorless)

Falafel wrap (includes rice, roasted red pepper, sauce)

Hummus with red peppers, olives, garlic/pita

Snack :

Iced coffee, splash of half and half

Dinner:

Two bowls of brown/wild rice, topped with tomato-basil marinated chicken

Addendum: A finger of Laphroaig scotch, two squares of dark chocolate. I'm not going to be an ascetic.

Starting Over: Day One

Clearly chunky. Lucky for me
the black T-shirt has slimming qualities.

Thanks to everybody who contacted me today, either through the comments here, my Facebook page, or via email, to encourage me and offer advice. I'm only a day into my weight-loss mission: One thing I haven't done yet is figured out how I'll do it. There are as many approaches as, well, people who have lost weight.

I'm averse to strict calorie-counting—though it may be the way I have to go ultimately. I know from previous attempts that calorie counting actually made me obsessed with food. It's not wrong to think about what you're eating or how much; the calorie-counting process, though, triggers something in me that to think about food constantly, when I'm eating, when I'm not eating, mostly wishing I was eating. It actually works against healthy weight loss for me, I think.

But: It may ultimately be that I have to calorie count in order to accomplish this.

I'll be exploring the merits of several plans in coming weeks. I want something that's more than just a crash diet, but a new lifestyle that I can somewhat comfortably maintain. In the meantime, I'll be documenting my exercise and eating, anyway, just as a way of beginning to be mindful.

So. Here goes.


Weight: 281 lbs

Exercise: 60 minutes on elliptical, 3.02 miles

Breakfast:
Bowl of Kashi GoLean cereal
Mixed in with cup of honey Greek yogurt
3 small cups of coffee, two of which had a splash of half and half.

Snack: 1biggish apple
Snack: Baby carrots and hummus

Lunch: Veggie Wrap from Almaz Cafe

Snack: Two cups of wasabi dried peas

Dinner: Two bowls of salad: Lettuce, chicken, tomatoe, broccoli, asparagus, some small chunks of cheddar, Italian dressing.

There may be an after-dinner snack later. If so, I'll put on an addendum. You can see where the emphasis is, though: Heavy on veggies. I had maybe a quarter-pound of chicken in the salad, but probably not even that much. What's more: I feel fine. Did I lose weight today? No idea. But thinking about what I'm doing is already changing what I'm putting in my body. Hopefully that counts for something.

Starting over

So the blog is about to take a left turn, for reasons that will become apparent. 


I keep thinking I've bottomed out. I keep finding not.

Let's get up to speed very quickly: Two years ago this week, I went into hospital with stopped-up bowels. Turned out I had diverticulitis, a nasty infection on top of that, and was about to die. They performed a colostomy on me.

Two months later, the doctors did a second surgery: A colon recission. That means they shortened up my colon. In practice, it meant cutting out old dead colon that had wrapped itself around my bladder. Oh, and: They punctured my bladder during the surgery.

The colostomy, for what it's worth, created a hernia. And the doctors tried to fix that hernia when they reversed my colostomy in November 2011. But the fix didn't take. Today, I'm overweight AND lumpy in a way that being merely overweight doesn't describe. A CT scan a few months ago shows I basically have no abdominal wall between my belly button and my sternum. Oh, and I weigh 280 pounds—this being a chicken-and-egg thing: Am I *this* fat because I can't exercise much ( get tired, and frankly sit-ups are out of the question) or do I not exercise much because I'm fat?

Doesn't matter. A surgeon told me yesterday he won't operate to fix me because, at this weight, there's an 85 percent chance the repair would fail. He wants to see me in three months. He wants me to lose 50 pounds. And if I can't do it the old fashioned way, then I need to look at "surgical" methods for dropping the weight. For my health.

So that's the story. I'm 40, fat, and herniated like a motherfucker. And I don't really have many good stories to tell about how I got this way. I've spent a lifetime making undisciplined, mediocre choices. Now I find I'm falling apart. "You can't continue to live at that weight," the doctor told me. He's right. So what the hell do I do?

I'm giving myself a month to see if I can start to lose that weight in a natural and meaningful way, before I call the weight-loss surgeon he named. I'm not entirely sure  how it's going to happen. I think it means an hour on the treadmill or eliptical, every day. I think it means no more cheeseburgers, wings, pizza, sausage breakfast sandwiches. I think it means weighing myself every goddamned day. I think it means tracking every thing I eat. I'm not sure I can be a strict calorie counter. I've done that before, and it drives me nuts.

But this is where I start. This is how I start. I'm a freelance writer. I largely shape the schedule I work. My son is in school so I don't have to drag him around during the day. I'm on the road very little. If anybody has the space in their life to reshape their eating and exercise habits, it's me. So, fuck it, it's time.

I'm a compulsive oversharer. Everybody who knows me knows this. I'm aware of this. But it's not easy for me to share this stuff, because it reveals me to be weak in a lot of ways I don't want to be seen as weak in public. This is humiliating. But I suspect I'm going to need support and ideas from people.

I want to be a vigorous and vital partner to my wife for decades to come. I want to be an active and energetic dad for my son for as long as I can. I want to live, and live with a good quality of life, instead of quickly crumbling to an early grave. This is where it starts. I'm out of delays, out of excuses, out of time.

Starting today—later today—I'll post what I'm eating and how I'm exercising at the end of each day. I don't expect a huge audience for this. But I am interested in hearing from folks. I guess I'm crowdsourcing my survival.